The fact that you are reading this right now probably means that you have a pretty good chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse. Unless you are a terrible unfit nerd who can’t run 500 meters to save his or her life, but that wouldn’t be you… right?
The point is everyone isn’t made to survive the zombie apocalypse, some of us are made to be eaten. Unless you never went to school, you’ve definitely heard of the term “survival of the fitted” and this is exactly who will survive hordes of hungry undead.
Let’s just jump right into this and discuss who will survive and who will surely perish! MUHAHAHAH
1. Old people
Yup, you probably figured this out early. Old people will die fast. Let’s face it – they’re old. Unless it’s some freak of nature grandfather that still does 85 pushups every morning and wrestles livestock on a farm your average senile old person will be the first person to be eaten. Luckily, these are also the easiest of all zombies to kill. They move slow and have have brittle bones. Baseball bat anyone?
At some point in your zombie escape you’ll probably need to use physical force. You might be required to hold a door closed, inflict massive blunt force drama or even throw large rocks at your assilants. Midgets aren’t good at any of these. I’m sorry if I offend any midget zombie-nerds, but this is the sad fact of the matter. Again, I apologize.
3) People With Only One Leg
I don’t think I need to explain this one. One leg won’t get you very far unless you are some master one-leg runner or have a bionic peg leg made space-age steel that can has a built-in nuclear reaction. Being handicap in any way (including mentally) will be a surefire way to get your ass eaten by hordes of zombies.
4) Pregnant Women.
Zombie fans usually don’t include pregnant mothers so I’m probably pretty safe from hate mail on this one. A pregnant women is, well, pregnant and she can’t run very fast. Not to mention the amount of food, water and rest she needs make her a great candidate to get killed first and foremost.
Now what happens to the kid inside her is a mother topic of discussion (one that I won’t be discussing). So sweet clear of pregnant babes.
5) Incredibly Obese People
If you haven’t figured it out yet, this post is basically predicated not the idea of mobility. If you aren’t mobile or fast than you are pretty F-ed. Being incredibly fat is definitely the antipode to a slim and agile frame that allows for maximum zombie avoidance.
There you have it, 5 people who will be eaten right away during the zombie apocalpyse. If you just read one of these are are a midget or pregnant women or perhaps even a pregnant female midget and you’re feeling worried. It’s ok, just grab yourself some zombie survival gear and you’re good to go.
There you go, you now know who will survive and who will die.